Based on daily encounters and observations, and infinite sources of inspiration, I bring you my “Attention Seeking 101” intensive course…
If you are tired of always being left out in the shadows, this course will help you bring out the attention seeker in you.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 1:
Facebook, and other social networking sites, are your
daily diary. Post everything on them, from being sick to eating a burger.
Also, post highly dramatic statuses about your life and once you get the attention needed, state that it is personal and private, and that you do not want to talk about it.
Also, post highly dramatic statuses about your life and once you get the attention needed, state that it is personal and private, and that you do not want to talk about it.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 2:
Make it a habit to post daily photos of yourself
keeping the following points in mind:
1. Take pictures in every possible pose. People need to see you from all conceivable angles... and, of course, need to know what you're wearing at all times.
2. Ugly scenery and messy backgrounds are encouraged... you need people to focus on YOU not on pretty things (or people!) around you.
3. It's all about quantity not quality. Although good quality is a plus, remember that you have to flood your friends' homepages with pictures to make sure they can't but notice you.
4. Don't forget to #always #use #hashtags. If they don't give you exposure, they will at least make you look 'cool'.
5. Captions are necessary and they must include quotes about life, love and flowers.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 3:
1. Take pictures in every possible pose. People need to see you from all conceivable angles... and, of course, need to know what you're wearing at all times.
2. Ugly scenery and messy backgrounds are encouraged... you need people to focus on YOU not on pretty things (or people!) around you.
3. It's all about quantity not quality. Although good quality is a plus, remember that you have to flood your friends' homepages with pictures to make sure they can't but notice you.
4. Don't forget to #always #use #hashtags. If they don't give you exposure, they will at least make you look 'cool'.
5. Captions are necessary and they must include quotes about life, love and flowers.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 3:
Deactivate your social media accounts to see how long
it takes your friends/followers to notice your absence. Throw a tantrum, and
turn into a massive drama queen, if it takes a while or if they don’t notice at
all.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 4:
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 4:
When your friends/co-workers invite you
to a social gathering, do not, I repeat, DO NOT immediately accept. You have to
think about it, claim that you have other plans and make them beg you. You can
then 'find a way to get out of your plans' and join them... but only if they
show extreme gratefulness.
Tip: Always arrive late and make an entrance. All eyes should be on you, at all times.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 5:
Tip: Always arrive late and make an entrance. All eyes should be on you, at all times.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 5:
In a social gathering, if you feel that
the spotlight is being stolen from you, immediately take one of the following
actions:
Pretend to be sad, suffer a sudden devastating headache or just show some cleavage.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 6:
Pretend to be sad, suffer a sudden devastating headache or just show some cleavage.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 6:
Predictable behavior is boring and
boring things are attention-repellents. Therefore, chameleon-ize your
personality, as much as possible.
Depending on the setting and the people around you, choose the most distinguishable personality.. Your choices could range from pretending to be a very innocent and pure child, to an overly confident, provocative and appealing adult, or from an ignorant little fool that continuously asks questions about everything to a highly educated know-it-all.
Also, to guarantee maximum attention, it is often wise to fluctuate between two extremes in a very short period of time, causing great confusion among people you're dealing with.
Note: It doesn't matter if you're getting positive or negative attention... you just need to get recognized.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 7:
You have to be the one talking at all times, and to accomplish that, take the following points into consideration:
1. Tell stories... they are engaging, contain a lot of room for self-praise and can be very long.
2. If you run out of stories, simply make some. Lying is usually bad but people need to acknowledge that you're the star and, as they say, the end justifies the means. However, if you're not a good liar, or if you have a very poor imagination, it's absolutely ok to steal other people's stories.
3. You have to be the hero/heroine of ALL your stories, which, in turn, should show how kind, loving, strong, trustworthy, lovable and funny you are (or claim to be).
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 8:
Embrace, and master, the "been there, done that" attitude.. To achieve that, follow these steps:
Depending on the setting and the people around you, choose the most distinguishable personality.. Your choices could range from pretending to be a very innocent and pure child, to an overly confident, provocative and appealing adult, or from an ignorant little fool that continuously asks questions about everything to a highly educated know-it-all.
Also, to guarantee maximum attention, it is often wise to fluctuate between two extremes in a very short period of time, causing great confusion among people you're dealing with.
Note: It doesn't matter if you're getting positive or negative attention... you just need to get recognized.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 7:
You have to be the one talking at all times, and to accomplish that, take the following points into consideration:
1. Tell stories... they are engaging, contain a lot of room for self-praise and can be very long.
2. If you run out of stories, simply make some. Lying is usually bad but people need to acknowledge that you're the star and, as they say, the end justifies the means. However, if you're not a good liar, or if you have a very poor imagination, it's absolutely ok to steal other people's stories.
3. You have to be the hero/heroine of ALL your stories, which, in turn, should show how kind, loving, strong, trustworthy, lovable and funny you are (or claim to be).
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 8:
Embrace, and master, the "been there, done that" attitude.. To achieve that, follow these steps:
1. When a friend is sharing an experience, don't act
surprised, no matter how intense it is. Look them in the eye, smile and nod,
giving the impression that you already know the details. Well of course you do, you've lived it yourself!
2. Interrupt them halfway through, or be kind enough to let them finish whatever they're saying, and immediately explain how the exact same thing happened to you. However, your version has to be a lot more intense; if theirs was good, you had it better... if theirs was sad, you went through a lot worse, but you rose from the ashes like a phoenix.
Tip: in sad experiences, always throw in a backstabbing close friend who betrayed your trust and took advantage of your endless kindness.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 9:
You are perfect and people are insanely jealous of you... so NEVER accept or tolerate any kind of criticism, be it online or in real life.
2. Interrupt them halfway through, or be kind enough to let them finish whatever they're saying, and immediately explain how the exact same thing happened to you. However, your version has to be a lot more intense; if theirs was good, you had it better... if theirs was sad, you went through a lot worse, but you rose from the ashes like a phoenix.
Tip: in sad experiences, always throw in a backstabbing close friend who betrayed your trust and took advantage of your endless kindness.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 9:
You are perfect and people are insanely jealous of you... so NEVER accept or tolerate any kind of criticism, be it online or in real life.
If you get criticized, first make sure you have an
audience then immediately victimize yourself, continuously complain about it
and enrol all your social media accounts to reveal every single piece of info
you have about your critics... and, of course, don't forget to offend their
mommas... it's ok, really. You're the world's most valuable being and they need
to know who's who.
Note: If you don't have an audience, this lesson will just make you a self-centered, ego-driven narcissist.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 10:
Bright colors are attention magnets. Therefore, add as many bright colors as you can, cramming them all into a single outfit… and don't worry, they don't have to match. In fact, it's preferable to wear at least one piece that doesn't match, at all.
Note: If you don't have an audience, this lesson will just make you a self-centered, ego-driven narcissist.
Attention Seeking 101 - Lesson 10:
Bright colors are attention magnets. Therefore, add as many bright colors as you can, cramming them all into a single outfit… and don't worry, they don't have to match. In fact, it's preferable to wear at least one piece that doesn't match, at all.
It's very important to keep in mind that you simply
HAVE to stick out like a sore thumb wherever you go.
